I deal with Twitter a ton in my hockey blogging job, and for the most part, I love it. I really do. I get to interact with people that I might never have talked to in real life (I usually have my head buried in a book when in transit) and I get to see a variety of topics discussed around me. I also get very quick updates on the world of sports, and I get some good laughs from some very funny people I follow. Twitter for the most part is pretty, pretty, pretty good.
That being said, there are some things on Twitter that drive me nuts, or that I just don’t understand. So here are three things about Twitter that confuse me. Please keep in mind I guarantee you I do things that bother people on Twitter. This is not a list of “You’re a fucking idiot if you do these things!!!” by any stretch of the imagination, it’s just more of a “I sometimes shake my head in confusion at this”. I am not attempting to condemn anyone for doing these things, so hopefully you don’t get all defensive and start subtweeting about it (Pro Tip: That’s on my list).
Focused Accounts “recommending” other account:
What is a focused account? A focused account is one that was created with one job in mind, like a “Things guys says just before they poop (example: “Bombs away!”)” or “Foods that are yellow” type accounts. Accounts that were made to provide a service, which usually causes many people to follow them for this very reason. One such account I follow is “Horror Pictures” which I initially followed because it showed some dude in a 1930’s gas mask, and because it shows stuff like this:
This is amazing to me. What is going on here? Why is one of the… woman?…. in the picture so apparently amused by the other ones fear? Why does the clown man have that hat on? What’s with the creepy picture in the upper right? So many questions, and it amuses me. What I don’t need from the same account is this:
I don’t give a shit about having ear buds in my ears without having listened to music for an hour. I am sure some people will see this and go “OMG THAT’S WHAT I DO ROFL” *clicks follow*. I am not one of them.
I also fully understand accounts like these gain more followers by doing said practices of spamming my face with “IF YOU LOVE PUPPIES AND LIKE LAUGHING, THEN YOU SHOULD FOLLOW “IT BURNS WHEN I PEE” THEY’LL MAKE SURE YOU DON’T HAVE THE HERP.” I understand I can solve this situation to a degree by unfollowing these accounts, but then where will I get my creepy pictures? Googling random horror images myself?? There are two things wrong with that:
1) This isn’t 2006 god damn it.
2) Googling words like that at work will 90% of the time end with some sort of dick picture. I already have enough questions I am sure with my googling “Nude Kesler pic” at work several times when I need to do a quick Canucks photoshop.
3) It’s like image masturbating. Sure, I can do it, but it feels so much better if someone else does it for me.
Sometimes I just want my day to start off with a ghost petting a cat, ok?
All I ask is that focused accounts post more of their content then recommending other accounts to follow. That’s it. Right now I get around 10 “HILARIOUS” accounts to follow for every one scary picture. That ratio is bullshit, BULLSHIT.
UPDATE:
Because twitter is awesome, I have a solution for problem one:
A thank you to Greg!
Moral Outrage
I FULLY understand the use of twitter as a vehicle to vent things. Believe me, when hockey is on, sometimes I can go into a rage about a stick breaking and it will seem like my entire life’s purpose is to find the people at Easton and see if their arms break as easily as Edler’s sticks.
That being said, I try and keep my moral outrage at a minimum level, to around below 10% of my tweets. When you go above 50%, you are officially on “soap box” mode, in which I assume you are trying to change people’s minds on how they view the world. This is fine if that’s your mission in life. If you believe in something strongly enough, then by all means, you do your thing and you go for it!
What I find hard to do for people on soap box mode, though, is take them seriously when one minute they are tweeting their outrage over an injustice in the world, then the next minute tweeting about some bitch who forgot to put cream in their coffee.
I prefer when people are consistent with their message. If you’re all out intent upon changing the world to a perfect place, then follow the guidelines in life you have set in place yourself. Otherwise you confuse me.
Sub Tweeting
I know a ton of people I follow do this, so this will be a touchy one. I need to stress again I am not trying to attack you for doing this, but I just personally don’t understand this form of tweeting. I assume maybe it’s a form of stress relief? Rather than keep it inside, you express it on a public forum? Either way, sub tweeting is steeped in a filthy cup of passive aggressiveness, which is another thing I don’t really understand. At the end of the day I still don’t fully know if you actually want the person you’re subtweeting to read it or not. Or maybe it’s some fucked up game of gambling, where you roll the dice and see what happens? Will they read it? Will they not? Will they know the tweet is about them?? I have no idea.
I’d much rather you call me a bitch to my face (Wyatt note: Please don’t tweet at me calling me a bitch after reading this, don’t be that guy/girl) than subtweet a haiku about how certain metal based object twitter accounts you follow can be such a dick sometimes. From my experiences, talking it over with people I argue with works out 10000% better than people holding it in, coming up with their own conclusions based on reactions or non-reactions to sub tweeting, and as a result, harboring some grudge that 10 years from now you won’t even know how it started, but by god, you’re 100% sure that person is an asshole for some valid reason you can’t quite remember.
Being direct with someone is the way to go.
Besides, twitter fights are WAY more entertaining to follow, than trying to piece together 20 subtweets put out over the course of a week, just so you can figure out why one of your followers no longer enjoy having coffee at lunch with another follower. Sometimes twitter fights is all we have when we’re stuck at work, people need to realize this.
That’s it for today. Again, no offense intended, I write in exaggerated tones because it’s more fun to do so (maybe that’s on your list of things you hate?? We can be hate best friends!!).
I will subtweet how much I hate you later.
Stanch's Thoughts 
Bitch…