Passion. Passion is something in life that I have found fleeting. I know I have passion for hockey. I love to watch it, I love to write about it, and I love to play it. When I play hockey, my mind shuts off, and I mercifully don’t over think anything. In my every day normal life, I over think everything to the point of exhaustion. In hockey? I don’t care what happens. I can call somebody the worst things in the world and I don’t blink an eye, because I know what happens on the ice stays on the ice. It’s a universal agreement, and my group of hockey buddies follow it to the tee. I have said some of the meanest shit in hockey over the most trivial things, and it’s glorious. To me, hockey is very relaxing and something I sorely need.
In real life? If I make a joke, I’ll think it over and wonder if it offended anyone, even if they laughed, and then stress about it for a long time. It’s stupid, but that is just how I’m wired. I constantly worry about things on other peoples behalf even though half of the time they probably never gave it a second thought.
However, hockey has its limitations. If hockey shuts my brain off, writing and doing creative projects wakes my brain up and puts it into overdrive. And I don’t just mean I am excited about doing projects, I mean my brain is ready to go as long as it takes. Have to stay up all night just to get one tiny thing right in my project? Not a problem. Have to travel several hours to get a final component for something? Let’s do it. Need to write at the expense of sleep? That’s merely a given. Doing creative stuff is the only time I feel alive, that I feel like my brain is firing on all cylinders and I will stop at nothing until I finish my vision.
My real job? My real work? It feels like you’ve asked me to walk on broken glass with no shoes if you need me to do anything there (you pictured Bruce Willis in Die Hard right there, didn’t you?. Don’t get me wrong, I get my work done, and I work hard, it’s just my brain goes into a coma, and inside I am screaming, slowly dying inside as I look at spreadsheet after spreadsheet. The movie Office Space is universally accepted because anyone who has worked an office knows exactly what that movie is talking about.
This is why I will end up doing something like I did tonight. I made an entrance in WWE 2K14 for two local wrestlers (they didn’t ask for it, I just wanted to do it and thought they might get a kick out of it) because it was something that I wanted to see if I could do. I spent hours scouring the internet, trying to find pictures of them in their wrestling gear, so I could make sure the details were correct. I then spent hours making the wrestlers, making sure I got the gear created accurately. Then I recorded video of them, and made an entrance and entrance video for them.
When people see something like this, a typical comment is “You must have a lot of time on your hands” and I always wonder if this is an insult or just random small talk. Either way, it’s not that I have a ton of time on my hands, I just forgo sleep because my brain is asleep at work most of the time. When I am doing a project like this, even something small and for no financial gain, I just feel so alive, which makes it worth the lack of sleep. My mind races with all of the possibilities as I try and see if I can create the vision I have in my head. It’s so much fun for me.
This is why when I find other creative people and see them going all out for their passion, I love it. I live vicariously through them, watching them chase something they love, doing something they have a passion for. That is how I became a fan of the local wrestling promotion, ECCW. It’s full of a bunch of people just doing shit they love, most of them knowing they won’t be making a ton of money out of it, but doing it anyways.
Believe me, I know all about balancing responsibilities, and how you can’t chase your dreams forever. Life throws things at you that sometimes put those on the back burner or make it hard to do. It is why I have two jobs while I chase that writing dream, because I have to be financially responsible.
But even the small things that get your juices flowing? That shit is amazing. This might sound stupid, this might sound dumb, but don’t ever let people shit over the things you like. People will do this all the time because they are either unhappy themselves, or they don’t understand it, or they hate the idea of someone doing something that has very little upside to it except for the fact it makes you happy. Ignore those people, and always remember to put aside a bit of time for things you love.
Otherwise, life is just so mundane.